Whether it’s because life deals an unexpected blow or just the natural process of aging, most of us will have to face the permanent loss of one or more physical or other capabilities that we’ve taken for granted our entire lives. After my lengthy recuperation from over ten hours of brain surgery, I faced a number of adjustments because of lasting problems with balance and coordination. Even some of the simplest activities were no longer possible for me like riding a bike, swimming, or even going out in a boat. I could no longer swim laps with the usual strokes because bobbing my head up and down or side to side with each stroke made me terribly ill as did riding in a boat and I could no longer balance myself on a bike. Before the brain tumor I loved riding my bike to a nearby swimming pool for 45 minutes of laps. After the surgery I was determined to be able to ride my bike and swim again but no matter how hard I tried or what approach I took, any attempt at riding my bike resulted in the bike on the ground and me in tears of frustration and swimming made me so nauseous that I couldn’t manage a complete lap. That all changed after meeting a truly incredible person at a talk I gave for the Brain Injury Alliance of Kentucky. He appeared to be in his late twenties or early thirties and he had suffered a severe brain injury from a car accident. He spoke and moved slowly and with great deliberation as if each word and movement required supreme effort. He explained that he had to relearn the simplest of tasks and the amount of concentration and effort it had taken and he credited his determination to the adherence of the “Triple A’s”. Since I felt certain that he was no longer able to drive, I assumed that he was experiencing a “brain glitch” and wasn’t connecting the right dots when tying together his recuperation and Triple A. When he saw my confusion, he laughed and explained that the Triple A’s meant: Acceptance of what had happened; Adapting to his new reality; and Appreciation of the meaningful things in his life. Rather than mourn the loss of what he used to be, he celebrated everything that was left. I took a page from his book and decided to look at things from a different angle in my own life. I still can’t ride in a boat because of motion sickness but I gave my bike away to someone who needed it, bought a three wheeled bike (a large wheel in the front and two in the rear), and worked with a swimming instructor to create a new (and rather strange) version of swimming laps that allows me to keep my head in a stationary position. Although I’m sure I resemble a Far Side version of either Mary Poppins or the Wicked Witch of the West (depending on my mood) when riding my bike and a robotic frog when I swim, what’s important is that I continue to practice the Triple A’s. I’ll also never forget the remarkable man I met at BIAK who taught me that, no matter what life dishes out and the limitations to your life, you’re always capable of making a difference in the lives of others. The Brain Injury Association of America is at the forefront of all issues related to brain injury – whether through an injury, illness, stroke or other causes – including medical research, education and the day to day care for individuals and families living with brain injuries. For more information about all of the assistance provided by this wonderful organization, visit their website at www.biausa.org . Donations – no matter how small – can be made directly from their website.
Giving talks and workshops are two of the most enjoyable and rewarding things I do on behalf of Living Smart. I’m fortunate to be able to work with so many wonderful organizations and recently it was my privilege to speak at the International Parents Without Partners annual conference. Those who know that I have never been a parent - unless you count the long line of felines who’ve run my life over the years - were amused by the thought of me sharing tips, advice and resources with a multitude of single parents. But you know what, not having children of my own makes me particularly qualified to discuss the importance of parents being prepared for the unexpected. I’ve clocked untold hours over the years as a baby sitter and have observed that being a parent means being a nurse, teacher, organizational expert, therapist, coach, psychic, psychologist, social director, mediator, home economist, cook, financial planner and more. I realized long ago that being a parent is the most important and difficult job anyone can undertake. Over the years I’ve also observed that most parents are so accustomed to automatically hopping from one role to the next that they no longer appreciate all of the working parts needed to keep their children’s lives running smoothly. However, a non-parent like myself understands all too well the absolute necessity of written information and instructions when caring for someone else’s children for even a short period of time. Even very simple things that parents do almost without thinking must be spelled out for others to not only know what to do but how and when to do it. A two parent family has to work diligently to keep all the balls in the air and a single parent is nothing short of a tightrope walker, one step away from a system breakdown because many lack ready backup. Yet as essential as parents are to the well being of their children, I’m surprised by the number of parents who have no emergency backup plan to keep their children’s day to day lives on track in case unexpected events render one or both parents unable to manage part or all of their children’s lives for some period of time. Maybe it’s because they don’t realize everything that they do day in and day out for their children. Maybe the thought of putting together an emergency plan seems overwhelming. Whatever the reason, I hope that the many easy to use informational schedules, instructions and other resources readily available on LivingSmartGuides.com will motivate them to take the time to put the safeguards in place that will enable others to care for their children in a crunch should the need ever arise.
